Master Yoda's LJ this is

Just got an iPhone app for lj lmao

2009-10-27T15:28:50Z

So I'm trying to figure out how to use all the settings.

Sorry for the boring post.

drunk texts from last night

2008-11-02T19:10:20Z

from mandy:
-l0lw shit ae gohrin down at art schoo
-and+a dumcss
-akkwtge dtjes gerfe are gibba gate ne biwkik u g2g s5eep/die

from jimmy (?!):
-wgat what r u tptm upto.
-wdjp yeslos
-w.wpd.where apd.are you.?

god i love this movie, even though it's so sad

2008-10-30T03:21:02Z

tristan: come with me
isolde: i can't
tristan: why not?
isolde: we both know this cannot be, tristan, we knew it from the start. that doesn't mean it wasn't true, it is.

tristan: isolde, we can't
isolde: it's like asking me to stop breathing

tristan: you were right. i don't know if life is greater than death, but love was more than either.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-10-01T11:53:00

2008-10-01T16:56:07Z

we just 1ost power and it's not even raining! yay generators!

this blows-everything fucking blows.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-10-01T00:10:00

2008-10-01T05:11:02Z

i am soooo confused.

wtfffffffff

master_yoda313 @ 2008-09-30T21:56:00

2008-10-01T02:58:32Z

i need a snuggle buddy. that would make me feel so much better about everything.

that's what i miss the most.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-09-30T11:55:00

2008-09-30T16:56:07Z

note to self: get the fuck over it already.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-09-21T16:48:00

2008-09-21T20:48:56Z

sometimes, saying 'fuck you' is the only way to make it through the day.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-09-18T16:11:00

2008-09-18T21:12:03Z

beautiful things never last
that's why fireflies flash

master_yoda313 @ 2008-08-30T15:37:00

2008-08-30T20:39:57Z

Ouuuuuch. ouch.

oh wow, these lyrics...

2008-08-10T20:54:03Z

I saddled up my pony right
And rode into the ghostly night
It was wide, wide open, wide, wide open

I left the only home I knew
I stayed alive and I found you
Now I take you where the water's deep
And make the air you breathe so sweet

But is it not enough to be complete? Please?
Let me give you everything you need, please?

We found a way, we found a street
Directions sweat under the sheets
And I let you have it, let you have it

But it can be a lonely place
Desire comes, desire fades
There's a bright one caught your fancy eye
It's okay so long as you stay mine

And I'm so number one that it's a shame, a shame
That you let other numbers in the game

Now I suffer for your hungry eye
Oh why must it see more than mine?
It's a light you're after, 'cause light moves faster

But when I ride again into the night
My torch will shoot flames strong and bright
And my absence will remind you of
How tough it is to be in love

And it's not what I think it's what you say, hey
And it works great for you to have your way, hey

But if the west can be a desperate place
You search all day for just a taste
Of the cold, cold water, cold, cold water

And if you think i've gone too long
Listen the sky will sing this song
As it burns up all the memories
That flow like water out of me

i don't know why i felt like sharing this...

2008-08-09T06:38:39Z

so my most recent project at reachout has been organizing the inactive employee filing cabinet, aka filing cabinet of death. this thing was ridiculous, drawers broken, nothing alphabatized, random shit stuck in random pages... but worst of all it's in the fucking storage closet. well, karma got reachout for making me work in the closet. to open the cabinet the door has to be shut. so i have been sitting in there all week pretending to work. i had it wired anytime someone walked buy i'd open and close the drawer or rumple some files and continue doing whatever i felt like doing at the time. i mean granted i've finished the whole cabinet but it really shouldn't have taken the whole week. but i read 50 pages of a clockwork orange, played numerous games on my cell phone, and sent god knows how many text messages. well today when i was in the mood for killing time, but not in the mood for doing any of those things previously mentioned, i grabbed a pen and my little notepad, with which i bared my soul. no seriously i wrote small and it was like seven pages i think? idk i must have been writing for about an hour. but i put it all out there in ink. these thoughts that have been swimming in my head, these feelings that i have been trying to identify, all spewed together with letters forming tiny cramped words creating confusing sentences that probably only i would ever understand. i wrote like a mad man till my hand cramped up. then i read it, tore it from the pad, and put it in the shred master box. so in other words, today i shred my soul. =]

spoken like a true emo kid, yes?

maybe i should be an english major haha

2008-07-28T21:58:28Z

vocab from my summer reading book. i'm always looking to expand my vocabulary =]

harangue: address someone loudly and forcefully; to criticize or question somebody, or try to persuade somebody to do something in a forceful, angry way
daguerreotype: an early photograph produced on a silver-coated plate developed in mercury vapor
ebullient: lively and enthusiastic, full of cheerful excitement or enthusiasm; boiling or bubbling vigorously
oeuvre: art of work or literature or such works considered as a unit, especially the complete work of a single artist
inculcate: impress on somebody's mind; to fix something firmly in someone's mind through forceful repetition
copse: grove of trees
laconic: using very few words
desultory: aimlessly passing from one thing to another; happening in a random, disorganized, unmethodical way
scrim: theatrical curtain opaque to audience when lit from in front but transparent when lit from behind
swath: path made by mowing machine
perfunctory: done routinely as a matter of duty or custom, without thought, attention, or genuine feeling; done hastily or superficially
trollop: a term that deliberately insults prostitutes or promiscuous women, or a woman as having untidy habits
egregious: flagrant, conspicuously bad or offensive
coalesce: to merge or unite things into a single group
opiate: (as a transitive verb) to dull or deaden pain, anguish, or some other unwanted condition
ostensible: seeming to be true or genuine, but open to doubt; presented as being true, or appearing to be true, but usually hiding a different motive or meaning
perquisite: same as a perk; a tip that is customary on some occasions; something considered to be an exclusive right
palliative: soothing anxieties or other intense emotions; alleviating pain and symptoms without treating the cause
accoutrement: accessory associated with a specific task or role; a piece of military equipment carried by soldiers in addition to standard uniform and weapons
aplomb: (noun) confident poise; confidence, skill, and poise, especially in difficult or challenging circumstances
milieu: surroundings or environment somebody lives in and is influenced by
perennial: a plant lasting more than two growing seasons; constantly recurring or enduring, or lasting for an indefinite time
anoxia (anoxic): same as hypoxia meaning, an inadequacy in the oxygen reaching the body's tissues
foramina (plural of foramen): a natural opening or cavity in a human or animal body, usually one through which blood vessels and nerves pass through bone
recalcitrant: resisting authority; difficult to deal with, or as a noun- stubborn opponent
megalomania: greed for power; a psychiatric disorder in which the patient experiences delusions of great power and importance
dilapidated: in disrepair;' partly ruined or decayed, especially as a result of neglect
burgeoning: growing quickly or rapidly
remunerative: (adj) paying or rewarding someone with money
gulag: political prison in former USSR where political enemies were sent; prison for dissenters
oblast: subdivision of former soviet union
peripatetic: traveling from place to place, especially working in several establishments and traveling between them
incipient: beginning to develop
pugnacious: quarrelsome, inclined to fight or be aggressive
erudite: (adj) very knowledgeable through study

master_yoda313 @ 2008-07-26T20:50:00

2008-07-27T02:03:40Z

it's hard trying not be an ~~emo~~ kid.

what i want is simple in my mind. it could be simple in practice too, if everything weren't so damn ~~complicated~~ all the time.

i'm trying so hard. i cannot even express to you how hard i'm trying. but how can i ask myself to be different when the shit is still the same?

i'm trying to tell myself this does not matter. but it sure seems like it matters to me. maybe not to anyone else.

i'm trying to evoke an unaccustomed emotion. that takes effort for anyone right? it's draining. but i'm not going to stop trying. see, the world is not going to change anytime soon. so i have to. even though i'm pretty sure i'm right. fuck you world, lol.

oh great. and now brandan is being weird. for some reason i feel really uncomfortable now... fuck. why do i have a bad feeling about this? i'm sure it's nothing. maybe i'm just being hormonal... i hope erik can come...

i can't even pin point what it is i'm feeling. am i angry? upset? hurt? annoyed? i don't think it's any of those. maybe i'm just tired. i have to go get ready anyway. i'm sure i'll post later, if i can maybe think of what it is i'm feeling, or sort out all of the thoughts flying around in my head.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-07-18T19:56:00

2008-07-19T01:02:17Z

i think i think too much.

actually i kind of know i think too much.

i over think just about everything. especially the things most important to me. they're all i think about because they're all i care about.

it's exhausting. i wish i could just turn my brain off some days. just forget about things and just be comfortable with just being, existing. but i never have been one to just be. no, i ponder the importance of being and how to be and what everything means. i'm a thinker. maybe not a really intelligent one. maybe not one that puts all of my thinking to good use. maybe one that thinks so much she confuses herself about everything that matters. but that is one undeniable fact--i am a thinker.

look at me, thinking about thinking. sheesh.

maybe it's because i don't always have something tangible that i'm doing. so instead of doing i'm thinking of doing or what i should do or what i want to do. i'm not sure.

all i know is, once something gets my mind started, there's no stopping it. no once you're in you're really in. and i'll just think things to death.

i'm quite lethargic today. i think i'll go take a nap and discontinue this pointless entry before it becomes anymore pointless than it already is haha

master_yoda313 @ 2008-07-15T00:18:00

2008-07-15T05:20:34Z

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

fuck.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-07-09T18:05:00

2008-07-09T23:06:13Z

Please speak softly, for they will hear us
And they'll find out why we don't trust them
Speak up dear cause I cannot hear you
I need to know why we don't trust them

Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power

Where can I turn? Cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertainty I'm so unsure
Tell me why I feel so alone
Cause I need to know to whom do I owe

Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power

I thought that we'd make it
Because you said that we'd make it through
And when all security fails
Will you be there to help me through?

Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power

I've lost my power

master_yoda313 @ 2008-07-02T22:04:00

2008-07-03T03:05:32Z

is it possible to think about one person too much?

i've never thought about another person this much.

"and if it doesn't work out, there'll never be any doubt, that the pleasure was worth all the pain"

2008-06-06T00:14:04Z

The morning's hot and harsh.
My notebook fills itself.
The words come thick with sweat.
But it feels like someone else
is writing all of this.
Someone I just can't believe
So I mop my brow, set my pen back down. Still me, still me.

And I'm grabbing at a feeling now
that i can't ever name.
Some sign posted to remind me
how I wanted things this way.
She says "It's pretty but you hate yourself."
"I can hear it clear as day."
And I say "I sing like this,
it sounds worse than it is."

I'm okay, okay.
I'm okay, okay.
I'm okay, okay.
I'm okay, okay.
So just stay, just stay
So just stay, just stay
I'm okay, okay.
So just stay, just stay,
just stay, just stay.

thank you...

2008-05-01T01:46:56Z

now i won't have to wonder.

some how, some way, we can make this work.

i hope that down the road you still want to.

i think that i have finally found some hope in this whole mess. and i could not be happier about that one tiny shred of hope. it's still uncertain, but i'm more comfortable with that now.

my aunt being in town unexpectedly has helped immensely. she's reminded me that yes, i'm old enough to realize how incredibly fucked up my family is, but still too young to care. i love them. and being near them will be really good i think.

maybe it's the sake talking =) but i'm really happy right now. it's funny how one little statement or one little thing can turn around everything so quickly.

the only thing that would make it even better is not sleeping alone tonight. but i don't know of anyone that can come over. and the only person whose house i could go to is bunny's and lord knows i don't have the patience for that right now hahaha. she told me yesterday she needed a snuggle buddy and i RAN the other way. hahaha. oh well. i'll be okay by myself. but it would still be nice... =]

much love, always.

last chance for a second dance

2008-04-30T06:47:46Z

well today would be like the last day to change my mind and put my deposit somewhere else.

and the funny thing is if it weren't so uncertain, i'd totally do it. nothing in life is ever really certain though... so it would almost make sense to put my faith into something so uncertain... like if the one thing in life you can count on is uncertainty, why not go with it?

my carpe diem and follow your heart instincts tell me so forcefully to change my mind.

haha we got back those blackberry timed writings today and i just laughed at the timing. in my essay i talked all about how you can't hoard all of the sweet things in life because they will eventually rot.

i don't know if trying to hold onto this would just make things worse.

[[and the thing is, if someone would just give me an answer, i'd take it in a heartbeat. but it's just not an answer they'd be willing to give.]]

i think no matter what i do i'll always wonder. so i just have to change how i look at it. i'd like to think it will work out somehow, if it's supposed to. i hope that is the case. but i just don't know. i'm uncertain--with both of my options really. i know what i need, and i know what i want, and they're not really the same thing, but i think i could make either work for me.

[[and i know you'll never tell me what to do with this, but if you ever would, now would be your chance.]]

i can't keep up with the mexicans!

2008-04-07T00:15:13Z

lmfao. guys last night was so amazing. thank you SOOO so much for inviting me.

i know this is kind of silly, but based on some of the looks i got (oh, ursuline girls) i feel like i almost crashed prom. and that's a stretch, but it's a pretty awesome feeling.

i felt like i was "sticking it to the man" (rofl) going crazy dancing and having fun with you guys. (ps, i am such a nerd at heart).

and you guys are so much fun. sometimes you forget how much you miss people until you're with them again and you're like yeah, this is what i've been missing. but not in like a sad emo way exactly, it's more like i appreciated being there or something. idk what i'm trying to say.

i forgot how many people i know. i've been off in my own little bubble but last night reminded me i know soooo many people. sure, i don't talk to everyone very much anymore, but it was nice to have so many people seem excited to see me and that came up to give me hugs. i was glomped numerous times. michael was probably the most exciting of the night. apparently i walked by him and he kept trying to get my attention but i didn't hear him. so when tori told me that i made her come with me to go find him so i could say hi. and basically, i will always love that kid. lol. and omg dancing with drew was soooo much fun. and hilarious. and that last song when we were really getting into it my mind was cracking up thinking about how he finally made up for freshman year homecoming. also my mind was like wtf i'm dancing like this with DREW?!?!?!?! and then it kept laughing. hahaha. i'm kind of glad nobody got a picture of that, but slightly disappointed too simply because that would probably be the funniest/most awkwardly amazing/epitome of our friendship kind of photo. swing dancing was the best though. we went INSANE. i think that kid and i honestly will be friends forever. and to think caitlin's amazing photography skills caught it on film XD

this weekend was such an amazing haitus from what my life's become. and the perfect reminder that it's not all bad.

and ps i am SO proud of everyone dancing all night. seriously. i know i was not dancing with ya'll the whole time (lol i get around) but i don't think you guys sat out anymore than like four songs the whole night. and that's incredibly impressive. for someone who felt like shit alllllll day yesterday i sure had lots of stamina last night XD

I JUST REMEMBERED ANOTHER REALLY FUNNY QUOTE. "SHIT GUYS I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE MEXICANS! I CAN ONLY HANDLE LIKE ONE SONG WITH THEM AT A TIME!!!" hahahahaha. sadly that's soooo true.

i think my parents made dinner? and the think i'm still asleep? (i fucking craaaaaashed a few hours ago). sooo i better go look into that.

much loooove

kathleen sent me these lyrics and i really like them so i'm posting them here to save em.

2008-03-30T19:58:57Z

"Don't You Dare"

Dark cloud moving in
Just one fall of rain
Would wash away
Wash away the pain

Just one ray of sun, to warm my skin
Rid me of the cold you’re drowning

I could say that I don't care
But the the truth is I'd follow you anywhere
I've been waiting such a long, long time
Don't you dare change your mind

Seems so close to me but still beyond my reach calling me and playing hide and seek
Look behind that door I’m the one you been searching for and I’m not a little girl anymore

I could say that I don't care
But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere
I've been waiting such a long, long time
Don't you dare change your mind

Don't wonder round looking
For someone to replace me
Don't wonder round wasting
The rest of your life
Don't wonder round waiting
For someone else to save you
And don't you make the same mistake twice

I could say that I don't care
But the truth I'd follow you anywhere
I've been waiting such a long, long time
Don't you dare change your mind

sooo idk...

2008-03-25T05:09:35Z

!!@#$%^&*(IUY%RESDFGHJKJHVGCFARWT%Y^&UJGHFDEARTSYEUR*&^%$EWDFRTGRYU&*(*&^%$#WSDFGHY^%$#EWDFGHY&U

i hate the way shit turns out.

somebody hurry up and invent time travel. so i can fuckin teleport as far away from my life as it gets.

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!

come on!!! any day now!

......still waiting.

master_yoda313 @ 2008-03-24T10:05:00

2008-03-24T15:07:10Z

"what the fuckity fuck did you two fucks fuckin fuck fuck---FUUUUUUCK!"

haha boondock saints... that's kind of how i feel though. idk why. lol.